I don't know what I'm doing

Hey so I'm writing in this blog again!

I keep getting amazing ideas for stuff to write, and I think to myself "Oh, I wish I had a platform to self-publish these streams of conscious thought to help me make sense of them and perhaps even help others!". Then I remember I have a blog. In fact I've had this blog practically forever. Yet I never use it.

Glue it shut?

Through the ages of 14–16 I kept a diary. To this day I cannot look at this diary without flushing red with embarrassment. There is one particular entry (written while drunk) that I actually glued shut, as it is not fit to be looked upon by anyone. Ever.

Should auld acquaintance be forgot..

Hey, remember me? 

Instead of making apologies and/or excuses for not blogging, I'll just sidestep the fact I haven't updated in forever and say a few things about my hopes and dreams and all that stuff. 

Scotoma

Well, this week has been interesting to say the least.

Initially I was sure I had made a positive impression on A, and that a second would be on the cards. However, the old familiar feelings of negativity and self-doubt started creeping back by Sunday afternoon, further exacerbated by the fact that the texts stopped dead. Should I text him? No way, I would look desperate. I was afraid of the inevitable rejection, so decided to take pre-emptive action and... take no action. At work on Monday, Michael and Rob reminded me about the distinction between “girl time” and “boy time”, and advised me to wait until Wednesday to attempt to resume contact with A.

The Crazy

Guess what I did yesterday? I went on a date. i engaged in a social interaction with an actual real-life human man. And he didn't run away scared. Huzzah!

She-wolf

This Saturday I am to have my first date in over two years. The "lucky" fellow (let's call him A) is someone I have been conversing with on POF for about a week. He seems decent enough. He is sporty and shares my love of tea and Marvel films. He has a decent body and an actual working face. The only thing missing is my enthusiasm.

Suitors

I have been celibate for over 18 months. That means that no p in v action for the equivalent of two human gestation periods. The last time I had sex, Colonel Gaddafi was still alive. When my last relationship ended abruptly in April last year, I did not expect I would be so very very single for so very very long. In fact, the following week I was to attend a party, and feeling a little emotionally bruised, I fully intended on seeking out some male company.